Miracle of Being Different: Jackson's Story

                                     

My 11 year old son is camping outside right now in a tent at a frigid temperature of 36 degrees and dropping.  His birthday was last week, and he found out on Wednesday that he was old enough to go this campout with the older boys.  I couldn't believe how excited he was to go!!  It's freezing!!!!!!  I'm cold in my house right now with a sweatshirt on writing this. He didn't show one bit of worry, doubt, or concern to camp in the dark woods in the dead of winter.

Jackson is a special boy.  His birth story is quite miraculous.  I had been planning on doing a natural birth, but because we happened to have a nurse there that was someone I trusted, I decided to follow her advice and start the procedures to get an epidural.  Right after we started the procedures, Jackson's heart rate dropped dangerously low, and they couldn't raise it again.  Emergency c-section was the only option.  

I remember they wheeled me down the hall for surgery while the resident doctor ran beside me marking my stomach for the c-section-I found out later that this was his first c-section he'd ever done by himself!  I thought, "Oh my gosh, I can feel that!"  They paused for literally half a second while the anesthesiologist put the long, dangerous needle in my back, and then they were off again!! 

Upon entering the emergency room, the chaos begin!!  The anesthesiologist took charge.  He yelled at everyone, "Grab this!!  You don't have time to put on your gloves!  Just go!!"  Then, stroking my forehead, he turned to me and gently said, "It's ok; everything is going to be just fine."  He did this back and forth several times; I remember praying for all the angels to guide these doctor's hands because the tension was high in the room.   

The head doctor didn't show up until they were already pulling Jackson out!  The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 4 times!!  With tears in their eyes, the doctors and anesthesiologist, turned to me and said, "Angels were here helping us today."

Jackson was born with his heart on the right (wrong) side of his body; it's called Dextro-cardia.  He also had holes in his heart (ASD, VSD).  At the time, the doctors believed that was the extent of the problem and that we should just pray for the holes to close on their own.  We were in and out of the emergency room and ambulances for all kinds of illnesses his first month of life, but the doctors still didn't know how severe his heart condition was.  They continued to attribute his condition to other problems.  

When they were about to send him home again after yet another emergency room visit, I had so much anxiety and felt so emotional that I knew something else needed to be done.  My husband gave Jackson a priesthood blessing, and then I told the doctor that I was not leaving that hospital until they checked his heart again.  They saw how serious I was and did yet another echocardiogram.  

This time the surgeon returned and said, "In my 20 years and thousands of hearts, I have never seen a heart like this."  Along with ASD, VSD, and Dextro-cardia, he also had transposition of the greater vessels and his heart was flipped over too!  The surgeon said there were also many other difficult conditions present that he couldn't even explain to other medical doctors.  Upon identifying the problem,  peace settled in my heart.  I knew we were on the road to fixing his problem.

At 14 months, Jackson had major open-heart surgery. He had been crawling around with oxygen tubes on and off up until that time and spent a lot of time with blue lips because his oxygen levels were not rising above 66% as he neared his time for surgery. 

Throughout all of this, Jackson had this beautiful little fighting spirit.  There were hundreds of people praying for him all over the country.  I knew that I could trust that God's will would be done because it wasn't just my faith; it was everyone's faith joined together for his miracle.   

I asked his surgeon if we could have a prayer with him.  He kindly agreed; and after the surgery, this amazing surgeon said, "I still don't understand exactly how his heart works, but it is fixed."  

"Just hours after Jackson's surgery, with wires and tubes hanging out of his chest and every drug imaginable to keep him sedated, he rolled over on all fours and tried to crawl off the bed in the ICU!!  His poor nurse, she practically dove across the room to catch him!

After the trauma of his surgery, he began to behave a little bit more reserved... a little different than other children.  As I watched him play, I prayed harder than ever to know if there was another condition he was facing, and these are the words that I felt God speak to my heart.  "There a lots of things unique about Jackson that others would want to label, but those pieces of him are uniquely put together so that he may do great things.  Just as his heart has never been seen before, Jackson's unique type of personality has never been seen before either."  

Continually worried for him, Abe and I of course gave him all the attention in the world!!  We have a beautiful relationship.  I homeschool him and send him to school for 2 classes each day. The teachers, coaches, principle, and school counselor have all told me how kind and well-manered he is.  His wrestling coach said he has never in his entire life met anyone so thankful and kind.  

Jackson was born with a beautiful spirit.  The way he responds to the worlds is very different.  He is beautiful for his differences.  He truly touches many hearts for his differences and his kindness.   

Miracle #1:  Jackson is alive!  He is strong and confident enough to have participated in 4 plays this year, danced in a recital, literally traveled the country, competed in 2 triathlons, ran cross country, played tackle football, did Karate, went snow skiing, RAN A HALF MARATHON (13.1 MILES), and joined a band playing percussion and piano with kids 2-3 years older than him after never having been to school since kindergarten, and now he's wrestling too! 

Miracle #2:  I can be different too!!  God made me unique to do something special because of my differences.  Watching Jackson walk out into the woods in the frigid air standing about 2 feet shorter than all the other kids made me realize that if this little guy can be brave in who he is, SO CAN WE ALL!!  Others have expectations for who they would like us to be, but God makes us more beautiful than we ever could have imagined only when we give in to who He created us to be.  I'm going to start praying more to find out who
God wants me to become.

                                    

Miracle of the Heater

Today, my husband (Abe) was looking all over the house for our portable heater.  He kept asking me where I thought it was.  I was in the middle of teaching homeschool while putting the baby to sleep, so even though I gave him a few suggestions as to where it might be, I wasn't much help. 

When I finally had a very short moment to think, I started to look for the heater.  It wasn't where I thought I had put it.  Where could it possibly be?  I said a prayer that I would be able to find the heater to help my husband who was working in our cold bedroom/office over the garage. In less than a minute after my prayer, I went straight to the dark corner in an obscure closet in the basement and found the heater!!!  Feeling proud, I ran upstairs chanting, "I'm a champion!!  I found the heater!"  Then, I quickly humbled myself and told Abe that God is the real champion because He told me where it was.:)  Abe said that I was still a champion for asking God to help me.  

I love to see God's hands in the simple things.  I know He loves us dearly, and He wants us to know that He is constantly stretching forth his hand willing to help us throughout the day; we just have to ask.

The Hope of Improvement

Tonight I went to church for the kids' scouts.  While I was there a woman with 6 kids said she has a really loud whistle, so her children have never heard her raise her voice in their lives.  That's amazing!!  I am so imperfect.  I stay calm and happy 95% of the time, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I feel like by getting visibly upset is the only way I can get the immediate change I want from their behavior. Because it's not too often and because my children are so well behaved everywhere I go, I feel justified in my behavior.  But... I always feel bad about getting upset with them and apologize later.  I have apologized for so long for getting upset with them that I begin to think that I'll never change.  I begin to think that this is just the way I am, and it's working fine.  I'm a good mother.  I have a wonderful relationship with each of our children.  They never say or do mean or angry things to me.  Our children are smart, spiritual, kind, talented, confident, loving, and stable, so they must know that Mommy is just very imperfect at times. While this will always be true, my heart told me tonight that improvement is possible.

I went to write my miracle for today, and I could not think of anything to write. I decided to say my prayers with the hope that God would open my eyes to what He had done for me today.  All of a sudden a conversation I had with my mother tonight entered my heart.  She had told me about a friend of hers who charts goals for the year and each night assesses that goal and rates the progress on a number scale.  At that moment in my prayer, the thought came to me that maybe I can improve!!  Maybe I'm just going about it all wrong!  Maybe there's hope for me to let go of those things that give me guilt at the end of the day.  Maybe I can be a better mother.  Our children will mirror what they see, and I want the best for their lives.  Will I get discouraged?  Of course I will because it's hard to be so imperfect, but I feel empowered to visibly see progress.  I may even dig deeper to improve just to ensure I am progressing.

Where is the miracle?  I had to drop to my knees and pray to find it.  I had to humble myself to see the need for improvement, and I had to open my mind and heart to accept it.  I will try harder tomorrow to be who God intended me to be for our children.

History Lesson Miracle

Today's miracle is simple.  

I homeschool all the kids, and I decided that I had been slacking a bit on teaching history.  We spend so much time with scripture study, reading, writing, math, music, and sports that it's hard to find the time for one more subject.  I was tired and considering bagging the history lesson when I glanced to my side at the dinner table, and my attention was immediately drawn to a book about Black Heroes in History.  

I know I was led to this book because of the way we felt.  We read about Hariett Tubman, and our hearts were deeply touched by her strength, courage, belief in liberty, and faith in God.  We had really great conversations as a family about how we can be strong like her.  It's interesting how much more effective the learning is when there is not such a hurried atmosphere.  We had a peaceful time of learning, and those few moments of learning accompanied by the Spirit will stick with all of us much longer than if I would have stressed over the details of trying to be too perfect. 

The miracle is that God opened my heart to the way He would teach, and teaching as He would, makes all the difference in the world.  I pray I will be able to remember that feeling even when the stress begins to rise.  

Tyson's Audition & a Little Piece of Heaven

                                         

The Kalamazoo Civic Center has the 3rd best youth theater program in the nation, and my 9 year old Tyson was finally old enough to audition!! 

Today was the day!!  We rehearsed the whole script today, but we didn't have enough time to rehearse the singing with Abe, (my husband) who is the professional singer.  Most of the script looked like it was just speaking, so I figured he wouldn't even need to sing much at all. 

Well, the audition started, and all they worked on was singing and dancing!  They didn't even have them do any speaking or reading of lines.  I was so nervous for him, and I wanted him to keep his confidence.  He would have to sing this song as a solo without practicing with us one bit or ever even hearing the song until then.  

I stood in the hall where only he could see me, and I gave him all the thumbs up, smiles, and love I could.  Then, I prayed my heart out!!  Whether he got a part or not, I wanted him to feel like he had done his very best.  I prayed for him to leave the audition feeling as if he had really done something great.  I wanted him to feel a desire to try again even if he didn't make it.  Would all this be lost because I hadn't properly prepared him?  I prayed that he would feel confident enough to sing out even though it was completely new to him.  

It came to his turn, and my heart pounded; I had been praying so hard for my precious little boy.  

Oh my goodness!!  He sang great!!  He was right on key!  And the dancing... oh the dancing was adorable!!  He put his own little pizzaz into it.  The few mistakes he made on the dance did not matter one bit. His heart was there, and I know that God was with him making him feel like a champion.  I could see it in his eyes that he knew he was great.  Even the director of the civic looked over at me and mouthed the words, "Amazing!"  

Then I saw it.  

There have only been a few times in my life that I noticed an aura- kind of a light- around a person while watching them from afar.  I saw it when a missionary came home and spoke about his service to God; I saw it when a husband stood up and spoke about his wife who had recently passed.  I could see the light of God around them.  I knew there were extra angels surrounding these people at their important moments so strongly that my earthly eyes could see just a little extra light.

This same aura... this same piece of heaven... I saw around my son as he sang.  I knew that God was with him making him feel wonderful no matter what the directors would decide about his performance.

Knowing that our worth is great at the end of each day is a gift that I know God would like each of us to have.  God definitely cares about the big things, but he also dearly cares about the small things... like a 1st audition as a child. 

I thank God today that Tyson went to bed feeling like a champion-having felt God's love in his soul.  

Christmas Eve Miracle

I asked my children what they would like us to do as a family to serve others.  Jackson, our 10 year old said, "Why don't we go caroling!!"  I said, "Great idea!"  I started to name off the kind and sweet people and neighbors we could visit, but then my husband suggested 2 of our grouchy neighbors.  

Let me give real examples from each of these "grouchy" neighbors:

Grouchy #1:  Before we even moved in, she told the painter we had no business living there if we had children.  Her son told us never to come by because she's "old and grouchy."  I thought I would change her mind and visited her to let her know that we are a "good" family and that she could call us anytime if she needed something.  She got so mad that I had come over that she began to shake and said that people shouldn't visit each other.  

Grouchy #2:  She came over to our house just about a week after we had moved in to tell us that she didn't want our children stepping foot in her yard because they would be a liability for her.  We have a backyard of about 2 feet from behind the house, so it's quite difficult to honor her request.  We obliged after I told her the request was ridiculous.

Now, Abe wanted to bring cookies and sing to these 2 neighbors too!!  

We started on our caroling journey and after several moans and complaints of cold hands and falling socks, I told the kids we needed to have a prayer so that the Spirit would be with us as we shared our Christmas message.  

We prayed mid-way in a neighbor's driveway and went directly to grouchy #1's house.  Jordan, our 7 yr. old played the guitar to "Away in a Manger", and Tyson, our 9 yr. old played the trumpet to "Joy to the World."  No one came to the door, so we started to walk away when suddenly her door opened!!  I was the only one left standing there.  Nervous, I started singing alone until the rest of my family joined me.  Many thoughts were running though my head, "What would she say?  Was she mad?  Did we wake her?  She's cold I'm sure!!  She had told us not to visit!"

But, despite my worries, with a smile, she said, "I was just watching 'The Christmas Carol,' and I couldn't believe it that I had real carolers at my door.  I have never in my whole life had carolers come to my house."  Never in her life had carolers?  She has lived at her house for 55 years, and she is much older than that!  She spoke humbly, and she was obviously very moved by the experience.  Without lingering, we wished her a very Merry Christmas, gave her a plate of cookies and a balloon flower and went on our way.

Shocked that we had been the only carolers of her life, we went on to Grouchy #2's house.  We started to sing.  She opened her door in her pajamas and looked out in surprise at the 8 of us singing and playing instruments on her doorstep in the dark, cold night.  After we finished our songs, she said, in a choked up voice, "I needed that."  Again, without lingering, we wished her a very Merry Christmas and went on our way.

What a miracle that these 2 "grouchies" were touched deeper than I ever thought was possible in their "stone cold" hearts.  Maybe they aren't so stone-cold after all.  Maybe the little things matter.  Maybe I should put more faith in continued efforts of simple acts of love.  As we continued caroling to the rest of our neighbors, we felt joy knowing we hadn't left the others out.  

I am so grateful when God allows us all to be instruments in His hands.  It was Jackson's idea to carol, Abe's idea to include the least friendly people on the street, my idea to pray for the Spirit to accompany us, and all the children's willingness to share their vocal and instrumental talents.  I thank God for the  miracle that unfolded simply because we chose to listen to each other as a family.  God is speaking to each of our hearts hoping we will listen so that all of His children may have the opportunity to feel of His love.  

God Took My Cold Away

I haven't written in here for several months because I couldn't find where it was!!  Silly me... I don't know much about computers.  There are so many miracles I need to catch up on, but I'll just have to start with today's miracle.

Miracles are constantly taking place!!  I feel an urgency to write them down because God is blessing us all in so many ways.  Sometimes we feel down and forget to "see" what He is doing in our lives.  I feel like the more we recognize them before the Lord, the more He is willing to open our eyes to all of the ways He is guiding our life.  He is ALWAYS there.

                                                        Today's Miracle
I had my tonsils taken out last Monday.  That day, and one by one, almost all of my children dropped to the couch with fevers and bad head colds.    I was worried I would catch it because I was already dealing with so much pain, dizziness, and exhaustion from the surgery.  Well... I caught it, and it was just as bad as I thought it would be.

By Saturday I was a mess...  My eyes were constantly draining and my nose was running so badly that I had a kleenex practically hanging on it.  Because my surgery hurt so bad, my sneezes violently gushed out as my hair flew around my face.

Saturday night I told Abe that I wouldn't be able to go to church because I was too contagious and in too much pain.  I was sad because it was Christmas Sunday, Abe would be singing, the kids would be singing, and I had prepared gifts for my Primary Class.  I really didn't want to miss it.

I prayed to God, and asked Him to help me to be able to go.  Sunday morning I woke up really late expecting to not feel good enough to go.  I of course was hurting all night from the surgery, but I didn't have any symptoms of the head cold!!  I didn't have to cough, blow my nose, sneeze, or anything of the sort.  I was shocked!!  I quickly got ready in record time, and we raced out the door.

On the way, I said another prayer that we would arrive in time for Abe to sing in the first choir number.  Miracle number 2:  Right as we were walking in they announced for the choir to go up front to sing.  It was a beautiful morning, and I thank God for the opportunity to be at church praising His son, Jesus Christ, on the Sunday before we would celebrate His birth.