Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Announcement

There is something that I want to do...

I've wanted to do it for a very long time...

My heart and dear people around me have told me to do it for several years now, but I never felt confident enough to even attempt it...

Actually, I don't really feel confident enough right at this moment to move forward on this decision... but I'm moving forward somehow...

...because every time I consider this idea, my heart beats heavier, my hands tremble, and I feel deep emotions well up within me.  From past experience, this is the Spirit confirming a decision that I have made.

Over the last few days, I've gone back and forth between the powerful feelings of the Spirit and the powerful feelings of self doubt.

Although both are powerful, only one is encouraging.  I am fighting the negativity in my mind so that I may give God full reign over my soul and my life.

I'm trying to be brave...


I have decided to write a book!

Yes... there... It's in writing...  I can now be held accountable.

... I'm not even sure where to begin or where it will lead me.

I'm praying for God's hand to guide me in this process because it's bigger than anything I feel capable of at this moment.

Last week Mariah said, "Mommy!  I haven't wet my bed for a REALLY long time... It's a MIRACLE!!"

I just smiled at her and said, "Good job."  In my mind, it wasn't really a miracle... she was just getting older and learning how to have better control.

I guess she noticed the look on my face and said, "-but Mommy... it really is a miracle!!!"

I thought about this and realized some things:

Mariah tries so hard to be grown up, and she has been working at this goal for a very long time!

*For her, at her young age of 5 years, this was a big deal.  To try to master this skill on her own, she needed God's help.   Who am I to judge what a miracle is in her life?  

*For me, at my "old" age of 35 years, this is a big deal.  To try to write a book while continuing in my other duties and passions of motherhood, I need God's help.  Who am I to judge what miracles God can produce in my simple life?

I'm taking a step into the dark, but...