Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Jayden's Adoption Miracle

Today, our sweet Jayden was crying and ready for a nap, but I was not quite ready to sit and cuddle him because I was washing dishes and making lunch.  I just needed a few more moments, and then it would be my special "Jayden Time."

Right as I was calling everyone in for lunch, I heard Tyson singing in the background.  He was sweetly singing the words, "Everyone keep quiet.  When I stop singing this lullaby that means Jayden is asleep."  Tyson was rocking baby Jayden to sleep singing song after song.  Jayden was cuddled up in a ball on Tyson's lap, and all the other children were whispering around him.

As I pondered Tyson's act of kindness towards our baby, I began to remember all of the children doing simple acts of service for each other and especially for their baby brother.  So many times I had instead noticed their acts of craziness.  This felt so much better!!  

Mariah had invented all kinds of games with him, Jordan had rushed to his side every time he fell, Jackson strapped Jayden into his seatbelt and carried him around, and Juliana danced with him.  Little Jayden is truly a loved and adored child by everyone in the family.

As I prayed about today's miracle, I felt a burning that it was time to revisit all the emotion of Jayden's adoption miracle.

Abe and I felt very strongly that at least one of our children would come to us by way of adoption even before we ever had any biological children.  We parented 8 foster children and endured 5 failed adoptions.  My heart was being ripped apart, and I began to think that maybe I was mistaken.  Maybe it wasn't in God's plans for us to adopt.

Our last failed adoption was the hardest.  We spent 5 months texting and calling our birthmother every few days.  As a family, we drove 7 hours to meet her, eat with her, laugh with her, and immediately love her.  The children talked about and prayed for the baby and our birthmother several times each day.  Our hearts were deeply invested.  We had the word "Hope" all over our house.  

Then, the first Saturday in March of 2012, my heart told me that something was seriously wrong.  

The following evening, I received a phone call; and at the exact same time that our phone rang, our Bishop (who lived 25 minutes from our house) knocked on our front door.  

The phone call was from our birthmother’s caseworker.  I went to the laundry room to listen without any extra noise.  With my heart pounding, I heard the words that our birthmother had changed her mind.  She gave birth to her baby on Friday night, decided to parent him, and the baby was no longer ours. 

I dropped the phone and crumbled to the ground at Abe's feet from the devastation.  I had never in my life fallen from emotional pain.  I couldn’t speak-only wail.  As I looked up from my fallen position, our Bishop was right there ready to listen and to comfort both of us.  Abe stood strong only because he had to.  My only peace was that God must have known the pain we would feel because HE sent our spiritual leader to our home at the exact moment of our greatest sorrow. 

We broke the news to our children, and they too just cried and cried.  Jackson, our oldest, came to our bed sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Although we had never laid eyes on this baby, we loved him deeply.

After a couple of weeks of a constant, stabbing pain in my chest, I decided I needed to have a serious talk with God.  I had been praying nonstop, but this prayer was different.

On March 15, 2012, I entered my closet with the greatest anxiety in my chest.  I decided I would not leave the closet until I had received answers as to why we were inspired to adopt even though it seemed it would never happen.  I knelt in prayer and prayed out loud.

As I prayed and prayed and prayed in that closet, a strange thing happened.  PEACE began to rush over my body.  The anxiety was miraculously dissipating almost against my will.  I felt the undeniable peace.  I knew it was from God, but I pushed it away and stormed out of my closet. 

I didn’t want peace!!  I wanted answers!!!  After some time, I decided to accept the peace that my Heavenly Father was offering me. 

Through this all, we found out we needed to move to a different house because the house we loved would soon be sold.  My hope was hanging by a very thin thread.  So many people came with loving service.  Although their service eased so much of my pain, I still cried most of every day and kept to myself.

Abe never once lost hope.  He was a rock.  He was mighty!!!  He spoke with wisdom and patience. 

On April 9th, our caseworker came to our new home to renew our home study; I put the entire house together within a few days, but I felt like it was a waste of time because I doubted we would ever even use the new home study.

On the very next day, right before Jackson's band concert, we received a phone call from our caseworker.  Her voice was giddy.  This was the best part of her job!!!  She announced, “WE HAVE A BABY FOR YOU!!!”

I cried so hard the people around us thought someone had died.  I told her we would come right at that instant.  She said, “Oh no, come tomorrow morning. Get some rest and pack your bags!” 

How do I put into words the joy that rushed through my whole body?  We were about to meet our baby we had been waiting for.  This was the moment!!!  We danced! We cheered!  We hugged!  We cried!  We packed!!

The next day, April 11th, we met our baby boy Jayden.  We were only allowed to see him for a few hours at a time for the first couple of days to ease the transition process.  We returned to his wonderful foster mom’s house and stayed for much longer- until 1am!  We just couldn’t put him down.  We knew he was ours.

Through the transition process, we learned of both his foster mom's love and his birthmother's love.

Jayden’s angel birth mother held him close to her heart all through the night for his first 24 hours of life.  She loved him dearly but knew there was another home for him to go to that would give him what she wanted him to have…opportunities, acceptance, and love.

Jayden’s foster mom was also an angel who had loved him and held him nonstop through his first 4 weeks of life.  She was not paid a single penny for her service.  She did it because she wanted to give our precious baby a loving start. 

Jayden is our baby we had been looking for all these years.  We felt his little spirit connect with ours immediately.  We knew God was in charge.  Our daughter, Mariah, our 5 yr. old, said today that she thinks Jayden was in Heaven shouting, "Mommy, mommy!  Just wait for me!  I'm your baby!!"   

Among the many tender mercies that God gave me to confirm that Jayden is the one HE was saving for us, these are a couple of my favorites.

*The day I prayed mightily in my closet for answers but “only” received peace was the exact day that Jayden was born!!!  March 15th, 2012!  God knew our child had been born, so HE did answer my pleading heart.  He gave me the peace that all would be well.  HE knew so much more than I did at the time, but HE wanted me to trust HIM without knowing all the details.  My Savior wanted me to trust HIM, and HE even forgave me when I wasn't trusting enough.  Wow!  Our Savior's love is tremendous... nothing like it.

*God knows us all so well.  While we were waiting for our child (that we lost) to be born, I knew we would have to travel 7 hours and stay for a few weeks in another state waiting for paperwork.

He was due in April, but they were worried about an early delivery. I asked God this favor.  “I know our birth mother may deliver her baby early; and if she does, please know that I am more than willing to drop everything to get him.  He is the most important!  First of all, for his safety, I want him to stay in the womb a little longer.  But… also, if you could make it happen… could you please help him stay in her womb until after Jackson’s play?  We could leave Jackson here with friends, but he would really love to be with us.  And… if it’s not too much to ask… I’m Jordan’s basketball coach.  Could you wait until the season is over?  It’s OK if you can’t; it would just make it a lot easier.  And… I know this is really stretching it, but Jackson also has a band concert in April-that’s the final thing-I would love it if our baby could come after his band concert.  But I really would drop all of this if we needed to… just if you can.”  

That was my prayer to my Heavenly Father.  HE is so patient and understands  everything about us- even our quirky ways!!  It took me a couple of weeks to realize it, but HE answered that prayer- just with a different baby- our baby!!

When did we get the phone call telling us about Jayden?  The phone call came after the play, after the basketball season, and during the band concert, but we were not to come until after the concert.  Our caseworker asked us to come the very next day which would be the exact timing I had asked for in my prayer!

LDS Family Services had been waiting for Jayden's birthfather's signature before they told us about him, and they miraculously got it just that day.  I feel like God helped that to happen in the timing that it did, so that He could show me that HIS hand was in it all along-even through the pain. 

Daily, God speaks more and more reasons as to why things had to happen this way-why we had to go through the pain of losing so much in order to receive what was meant to be- our dearest Jayden. I feel blessed that even though I thought I knew what was best at the time, God did what was right for our family.  Jayden is our sweetest, purest miracle.