She didn't know why I wasn't writing in my blog, but she continued to share her scriptures and testimonies of Jesus. I gave what I thought were "very valid reasons" for not responding. I thought I was just too busy. Finally, I had a day to respond to her emails. I sat at my computer and tried, but then I cried and walked away. I tried again and turned away again.
I realized that I couldn't write because my heart hurt too much… I hurt because of choices of others, but I was allowing myself to slip away from my closeness to my Savior. I felt myself slipping away from who I was. I was subconsciously pushing away the small acts that would bring me the greatest healing. I wasn't opening my heart...
I still read my scriptures everyday and prayed everyday, and that pulled me through the dark hours. However, my heart was boarded up pretty tight.
I never lost my testimony, I was just hurting too deeply and wasn't ready for God's healing yet… but her testimonies of Jesus kept me on the edge of accepting HIS healing… until I was ready to fully embrace Jesus' healing love into my heart. Through that time, I greatly appreciated, not only her nonjudgmental way of reaching out, but also her efforts to share her testimony regularly.
(Actually there were several of you who reached out with tremendous love at truly divinely appointed times. I will be writing about that miracle next week.)
She and I continue our Bible study, and this week she shared something beautiful… We were reading in John chapter 2 when Jesus turned the water into wine. She pointed out that it was a miracle of creation. These are just a portion of her words:
"How I apply this to my life is to look at myself as a new creation since anyone who is united with the Anointed One, is a new creation. My old life is gone and a new life began when I believed in HIM."
She also quoted 2 Corinthians 5:17
17 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
All of a sudden it hit me. I had been looking at my soul as a stitched up, ripped piece of fabric. I had been accepting my new self as something uglier but stronger. However, God was actually creating me into a new, stronger, more beautiful peace of fabric.
I pondered greatly about myself as a new creation. I went to our temple in Orlando yesterday and felt that newness in full force. God was restoring all the love, forgiveness, and peace I once had when I was fully embracing HIM… when I was "in Christ." I had never let go of Christ, but I hadn't been fully embracing ALL of CHRIST.
We came home after dark last night, so we went straight to bed.
This morning, I discovered that some of the seeds we had planted only a few days ago were beginning to sprout!! I watched as each of the children walked outside and excitedly exclaimed their joy over the same discovery.
There is something so special about seeing the green leaves pushing their way through the dark dirt.
The creation of the garden was beautiful to all of us, and the newness of it filled my soul once again…
I sat beside my little garden and read my scriptures. I happened to read in Matthew where Jesus speaks of the seeds that are planted in good soil. I felt the Spirit burning within my soul. I knew I was planted in good soil because of the teachings of Jesus Christ that my parents gave to me. I knew my children were being planted in good soil as well, and I thanked God for the creation of the new, little seeds sprouting right beside me representing that goodness. The symbolism of it touched me deeply.
I thanked God for this friend who reminded me that I am a new Creation. I thanked God for the temple and for the newness I felt within those doors. I thanked God for HIS almighty power to CREATE MIRACLES. I am grateful HE can create me into someone greater in HIM.
Sure love you friend. Hugs from me and Nash :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the hugs from afar!! Your little Nash is sooooo cute!!! :-) Sending you tons of love xoxoxo
DeleteI like the cute little pink flower that is blooming there next to the sprouts!
ReplyDeleteIt’s amazing what God’s word can do for a soul. Spring is such wonderful time to see His creation come to life. I still remember the day He created a new life in me. There was a time I was dead in my sins and then the day came when I trusted Jesus for the forgiveness of my sins and The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, magnificently cleared the air, from the hands of sin and death. My old life is dead. My new life is with Christ in God. I’m free to live a new life in the freedom of God. I will always be a new creation in Him, but there are those times when I will be broken through circumstances of life and I will need mending. I read a book a couple of years ago called Mended: Pieces of a Life Made Whole. The author showed how God mended her and how God can mend others too. Here is a little video of the author telling about how the book. https://vimeo.com/45660261
It makes me happy that you are back to writing and even better to know that you have friends that were there in your time of brokenness. “The heart is delighted by the fragrance of oil and sweet perfumes, and in just the same way, the soul is sweetened by the wise counsel of a friend.” Proverbs 27:9
Cristee
Thank you so much for your beautiful testimony. Thank you for your friendship and inspired words. I watched the video about the book. I loved how the author obeyed the direction of God to do something so symbolic.
DeleteLast fall I had spent days stitching up our trampoline net after it had been shredded by a party of about 40 children at our house. (Nobody believed it could be saved, but I stitched it with a stronger rope material. I remember standing back and looking at the serious patchwork and feeling like that trampoline net looked like my soul… it was ugly, but it was fixed. Although I was/am eternally grateful to have been stitched up, I always worried about the net (my soul) shredding in the weak spots where the stronger rope was not. I loved the woman's comparison about Jesus' love and HIS light shining through those weak spots making us stronger in HIM… how beautiful… and I know I saw that light shining through my mended soul.
However, I am learning that there is a step beyond the stitching that I did not understand before. I felt the greatest peace when I realized that HIS stitching job (HIS ability to mend my soul) was more perfect and precise than mine was…
The more I fully trust Jesus, the more I do not look broken and mended. I am changed in a good way and whole and beautiful the way God intended…because I am in HIS loving care.
I realized that I actually was a NEW CREATION in HIM… thank you for opening my eyes to the New Creation that we are… those are strengthening and empowering words and concepts for all of us who are being mended by our Savior.
Sending you so much love...
Thank you also for your sweet words about my little, pink flower. :-) It's so endearing. Every time I look at that picture now, I see my little flower. :-)
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