I am a mother, and I love every second of my life as a mother. That's why I home-school my children! I have a passion for them and their future. I believe that in my motherhood, I can use my talents and gifts to inspire my children to reach their highest goals. As I write, I watch them have a desire to write. As I serve, I watch them have a desire to serve. As I push myself physically in sports, I watch them push themselves physically in sports; and as I teach my passion for Christ, they too display a passion for Christ.
I am a mother, and as a mother, I have a responsibility to teach my children not to fear... to reach for what they really want. I insisted for years that I didn't need anything else in my life because being a mother is all I really wanted my entire life. I live for my children!!! Because of my love for children, my mother created and sold thousands of a beautiful cornhusk doll entitled, "Rachel's Child." It is of a mother swinging a child around in the air just as I would do.
Reaching higher includes using my talents to teach and uplift my children. I understand that many of my talents were given to me for the purpose of creating a more beautiful home spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I continue to remember that being a wife and a mother exceeds in importance. They are my treasures in heaven. However, God needs women of strength... of influence... in every aspect of life!! I am coming to realize that God is capable of expanding our influence if we choose to let HIM direct our paths.
Miracles happen when we choose to let God direct our paths in whatever aspect of life we choose. Once we decide to believe in our dreams, Satan is going to try to stop that forward momentum, and he's good at discouraging us in a very personal way by exposing our greatest weaknesses. I let his ugly influence into my heart last night, and I cried a lot. I decided it was easier to not believe in anything... easier to just keep living my everyday life without hoping for more- because then I wouldn't ever be disappointed, right? WRONG!!!
Jackson and Tyson both auditioned for a play this week. They both wanted a part so badly. They rehearsed more than I've ever seen kids rehearse!! Tyson made the call-backs; Jackson did not. It was hard for all of us to be super overjoyed for Tyson because at the same time we were sad with Jackson who was in tears. I gave Jackson a great pep talk, and he soon recovered. I would never encourage him to stop trying. Jackson tells marvelous stories and puts on amazing plays for his brothers and sisters. I would never encourage him to just keep his acting talents within the walls of the home.
I didn't see it for what it was last night... that I needed a pep talk. I slept on the couch thinking that I would eventually feel the words come to me of what I needed to write. They never came. I woke up several times throughout the night to look at the blank computer screen... still nothing came. Abe woke up and found me on the couch. I cried again trying to identify what was happening to me. He told me over and over again that I had fear. I shut his wisdom down over and over again because I didn't think I had fear!! I thought I was just being more realistic in my goals. I rationalized that if I just live day to day doing my best, I will never feel disappointment for not achieving my higher goals. I know that's not right- but I had already let fear enter my heart, so I was weak enough to believe any lie Satan was feeding my spirit.
I still couldn't shake the feeling this morning, so I decided to read the scriptures. I honestly didn't feel inspired about the specific words I was reading... I thought I was just reading about wars, etc. In reading, although the words weren't absorbing into my mind yet, I felt my spirit soften. I felt my true self slowly returning... Just now, I returned to the place where I had read. It's quite amazing because I honestly didn't notice these words before, but these are the words that were actually underlined in my scriptures:
"...according to the spirit which they listed to obey" Of course!! Which spirit am I deciding to obey? ...the spirit that tells me to let go of dreams and accept mediocrity?... or the spirit that tells me to reach higher?
I remember President Hinkley gave an inspiring talk while I was in college encouraging us to reach higher: