I had the lead role in plays in high school and in church productions, but I have never had the opportunity to have the lead role on a big stage. I glanced at the audition packet and decided that I would wait until the kids' weekend activities died down for me to truly delve into the characters.
I absolutely LOVE Theater!! We have lots of theatrical productions in the home,
Last night, I finally took the time to really read through the script. To my surprise, just about every profane word was in the script!! At first it was just a couple of minor words and most of the words were said by the other characters. I thought, "Well, maybe I can get away with saying a word close to it... not the real swear word." Then, I realized some of the topics discussed in the dialogue were inappropriate. As I continued to read, I discovered that the profanity was getting worse. I toyed with the idea of going to the audition and performing so well that they would have to omit the swear words just to have me in the play.
As I realized I was going to have to turn down this opportunity, I began to cry. Why did they have to ruin a perfectly good script? It wasn't necessary!!! To many, it could seem like a no-brainer... just don't do it; but for me, it was my opportunity... my chance to do something great. Abe, my husband, has had lots of opportunities to be in plays, movies, and commercials; this was my one chance, and I felt like I would never have another chance again... ever. Of course I knew that I couldn't participate in something so profane, but it was just so hard to let go of the opportunity. I decided that my children would not be able to even watch my performance if I were in the play.
In an effort to console me, Abe said, "Rachel, this was not a missed opportunity. It's not something you would feel comfortable doing, so it was never even an opportunity to begin with."
Just a few days ago, Tyson came to my desk and said, "Mommy, when you do hard things, God helps you, and they become easier... and then God blesses you to be able to do even harder things later." Something inside of me told me that I would need to remember his sweet words of wisdom.
Even though I knew they were both right, I still felt horrible inside. I knelt down to pray to feel better, and then I finally sent the email withdrawing my audition time. I expressed my gratitude for the opportunity, and I expressed my disappointment that the language had to be included.
Something amazing happened the moment I clicked "send" on my computer. My heavy heart and my deep sadness for missed opportunities left immediately. I felt at peace, and I was able to return to my joy in my present situation.
What a miracle that my sadness could leave so quickly just by following through with a decision to support cleanliness and push away profanity. God definitely supported me in my trial, but I wasn't able to feel it until I had taken a step on my own, sacrificed my own desires, and turned my choices fully toward HIM.
I believe the second miracle will be even longer lasting. My children watched my whole range of emotions this weekend as I went from excitement, to sadness, to choosing God's path even though it was hard. I believe they will be able to look on that experience as a guide for them when they are faced with difficult decisions.
At first, I felt upset that I felt so good about auditioning last week when I found out shortly after that it was such a wrong thing for me to do. I believe God wanted me to live the range of emotions so that my children could have a stronger example for them to follow. Looking back, I'd do it again and again if it helps them stay on the path of righteousness.
God loves us so much and wants us to be happy. I trust that HE will provide another opportunity when the situation is right.